Wednesday, May 28, 2014

#31 44

A woman is born with 1 to 2 million eggs stored in her ovaries. By the time she starts her period, only 300,000 eggs are viable. Then, only 1 of these eggs ripen every month to be released into the uterus ready for fertilisation. If fertilisation doesn't take place, then this egg is flushed out...

I am one of the millions of eggs that made it out from my mother's body. One of the chosen ones. How extremely lucky am I to be ALIVE. How important is this role that I have been given! But what have I done with this position? This spot I have been blessed with, breathing, walking, thinking here on planet earth along side other chosen ones. I feel such gratitude to be here. Thank you, King of the Universe. But I also feel shame. It's been 44 years today. What have I done with this God-given position?

Well, I've written some interesting advertising. Produced about 40 spots. I've watched a ton of movies. Drank my share of rum and cokes. I've gone to some amazing schools. I danced. I've fallen in love. I made a baby. I'm an ok sister. I'm an ok daughter. I'm not a great friend. I'm a good mom. I'm a terrible wife. I homeschool my daughter. I've eaten a lot of food. I've slept and napped. I travelled. I've made some companies very rich. I started a business and created my own brand. I've sold a few dresses. I've gotten some press. I go on Facebook and a lot. And watch tv online. I worry.

And I watched my daughter's ballet recital last night. Big deal because of her anxiety and self-doubt. She kicked ass. I'm so happy to have given her the opportunity to go through this challenge and come out kicking ass and proud of herself. Hers was the first number of Act 3. Bach. And I missed it. She rehearsed all summer, and I coached her all summer...and I missed it. I was there. But I missed it.  The second it ended, with camera in hand, I felt such regret and sadness for having missed it.

Am I going to miss life?

Is this why I survived over all the million other eggs? To read TMZ and miss my daughter's ballet recital?

And now here I am, writing ONLINE, on my 44th birthday. While my daughter eats her granola alone upstairs.

Me. The 1 egg that made it alive over millions.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Sunday, October 6, 2013

#28 2nd Chances

How bad do I suck at blogging?
I am pretty terrible about shaving my legs.
I suck worse at blogging.

Oh maaaan, my last update was 4 friggin months ago!!!
I'm only on YEY 28 for crying out loud.

I am not going to give excuses.
Like I was preparing for an international tradeshow,
starting homeschool,
or vertigo.


Don't know why,
but I'm hearing my 41 year old brother's
10 year old version of himself
in his small, 10 year old voice screaming

Right on, Paolo.
And YEY for do-overs.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Saturday, May 18, 2013

#26 Rent

Last week Mayumi asked me if she could show and share in class something she loved.

Me: Of course!!!! What do you want to share?

Mayumi: Take Me Out Tonight from Rent 
(sung by a druggie stripper).

Me (not blinking): Hmm. 
Tell you what, pick your top 3 (still not blinking) 
in case Take Me Out Tonight doesn't quite work out .

Mayumi: Okaaay!... 
(excited about the list she's about to create)

...One,Take Me Out Tonight from Rent(sung by druggie stripper).
Two, Today for You Tomorrow For Me from Rent (sung by tranny dog killer).
Or three, Take Me Baby or Leave Me from Rent (sung by lesbian lovers).

Me: (blink, blink and blink)

Veggie Tales it is!

written september 9, 2012

Thursday, May 9, 2013

#25 So long 6!

it is 9 minutes past midnight. 
i will take this moment
to thank 6,
to love on 6,
hold on 6,
hold on tight 6,
can't let go 6

so long 6.

so long rocking to sleep.
so long to only wearing girly stuff (she wears PANTS now)
so long first grade.
so long to most her baby teeth (i can now make a necklace).
so long to picture books.
so long to just liking chocolate cupcakes (she eats red velvet too).

she's so ready!
but is mama?

happy birthday mayumi nasser.
i am so very proud of my daughter.

(and this was me last year. yes i have some growing up to do)

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

#24 Pretty Pictures

by Mayumi Nasser Matoto-de Santo
watercolor on paper  4/17/2013

Last night, during homework, Mommy was not very patient
with you. Thanks for understanding. And thank you for taking
care of me. The hot compress on my forehead helped make me feel better!
 You are a caring daughter and a thoughtful artist.
I love you and I'm sorry.